Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A Letter to my Daughter

Well, here we are; somewhere between the very first, of many, major milestones and somewhere after many many months of constantly letting you go. Someone once told me that once I had children I would be in a state of constantly letting go. Sincerely true.
You are about to embark on one of many amazing adventures as a young lady; and not just any young lady, but sought out, dreamt up and molded from the hands of your Heavenly Father. I wish I could say that I had some magical guide book typed up for you, some list to check off as you walk through life dodging what will feel like rippling bullets some days and other days complete bliss.
The truth is.. I don't. I don't have anything to offer you other than this---

Take God with you Meadow, wherever you go. He will never leave you or forsake you and, trust me, the tears you will cry in this so called life have already been counted, already claimed and already set up on Gods golden shelf in heaven. He will be your greatest lover and your biggest fan.

Be kind to everyone, be patient with them. Listen to people who aren't like you and befriend the ones who think you might have it out for them. You will be made fun of, probably called a few names, talked about behind your back, your best friend will betray you and the boy you think you love will break your heart. Walk through it, learn from it, baby girl it will make you stronger, more wise than you would ever imagine. You will fight with me, you will lie to your dad, you will probably hate me and I hope you do because that means I fought hard enough to not let you drown yourself in unnecessary drama or conform to a world of hate and greed and selfishness. You will lose yourself to a period of trying to find yourself- remember what I said. Take God with you, His work is never done. The battles of elementary school, high school, college, career, marriage and motherhood are all challenging, demanding and, at the time they are taking place, will just about eat up every emotion you have.
Find strength in Gods Grace, find rest in His peace. You will run from Him and me at least once in your life. Run. Because you have been trained up from the day you were in my tummy to return to Him and He will never let anyone or anything separate you from Him.
Give more of your time and talk less. Learn to be a good judge of character; trust me, it will pay off in the long run. Sing, sing loud. Be brave and share your joy wherever you go, you will one day realize the impact of a happy fun personality and its affect on other people. Don't be greedy and don't try to act like you know everything, no one likes someone who always has to "one up" them. Be sincere and work in a job that will teach you humility. It will change the way you think and how you appreciate life and people for many years to come. Don't search for money; it won't make you happy, and the bigger the house you have won't get you any closer to Heaven. 
Pray. Pray about everything, and I mean, everything. Even when you don't want to, just say something, He's listening, I promise.

Remember there is ALWAYS two sides to every story. This has gotten me a lot farther in life and brought me even more peace. Don't listen to what "she" says about "him" or what "he" says about "her" or what "THEY" say about you-- unless you've stood in their shoes or them in yours, do not judge. Some people will assume the worst in you, let them. They haven't figured out yet who has created the best in them. 

And last but not least. Remember who you are and WHOSE you are. You are Gods child first, my daughter second. There is nothing you will do that will ever change that or cause me to love you any less than the day I first laid eyes on you. I promise to be here for you, however big or however small that you may need me. I will be your mother first and your friend second. And I will love you, support you and respect you forever and a day until God says there is no more.

Now, go there.. And go there with all your heart.. ......... 


Friday, January 1, 2016

Be Brave for your Motherhood

Let me first back up for a hot minute. Anyone that knows me knows I've somewhat been writing for a while; mostly writing about various seasons of life I'm walking through or various struggles of motherhood I am facing or even terrified about.
I know that God has been asking me to continue writing; and in this new season I feel the sun shining on, still, scary moments and struggles through motherhood and even discovering and loving myself more as His. I know there are other women out there who feel the same way and are possibly walking, well, crawling through this season as well. So, here's to motherhood, Gods Grace, and learning how to say no; enough is enough, at least for this season ;)

As I reflect on 2015 I become angry, somewhat enraged; yet thankful and joyful; rested in the stillness of small steps I've made to stick up for myself and for my family. My pastor asked us the other day in church if we would think about where we were this time in 2014 compared to where we were now. I did not like my answer. I was mad at myself, I was mad that I had let a lot of people and a lot of things keep me from being the woman God had created me to be. Let me rephrase that. I let the devil trip me up several times and right inside my own family. No more. You see; I LOVE Jesus and I yearn for Him, every day. I can be so on fire for God anywhere and anytime except in my own home. Sad right? Well, yes. And no.
Stand still ladies.
Why don't you just take a moment to stand still. What or who is stealing your joy? If you can't get down to the nitty gritty of taking care of yourself how are you going to take care of anyone else? You can't pour from an empty cup. Do you hear me? you. Can't. Pour. From. An. Empty. Cup. And I've got two little people who think I hung the moon and the stars and I want to be the best mom and woman that I can for them.
I've had some terrible moments in 2015. I've been attacked (verbally and emotionally), been accused of wrongdoing, been talked to and about like I was a dog, and just plain treated like shit. In my own home, at work and in my own family. Did I mind? Yep... Being the displacement of others insecurities and assumptions suck. But when I remember who I am, WHOS I am; I don't mind; hell, I've never been one to take much offense and let's be real; most people are idiots and speak with death and hell on their tongues because they just don't know any better.
This year I will not stand for that. You finally reach a point in your life where you've had enough; enough of everyone and everything. I'm pretty sure it's the 34/35 mark ;) I'm building mine up :)
I've spent the majority of my five years taking care of two little people, taking care of a home and working full time. That is enough stress and fatigue in its own. And if you haven't walked through that I don't need your advice, your judgements or your "opinion." We've all got them and we all walk, crawl and run differently and at different times :)
All I can really say is that I've got a long way to go and I don't have the answers or an answer. I just know where I've been, where I'm standing and where I'm headed. And if you aren't for me, then don't be with me. If you can't speak life then just don't speak and if you can't just listen then don't offer a shoulder. People will appreciate you more for what you DONT say and rather how you just be there.
I'm sure I'll continue to re-think friendships, create more boundaries and separate relationships. Only because I'm tired, so damn emotionally tired of my spiritual heart being pulled right back toward the puddle of tears I left on the floor in 2015.
So I dedicate this blog to my fellow mommies out there who have struggled, are struggling, have been at the throes of someone else's dirt and baggage and have found yourself hysterically wheaping feeling the most alone you have ever felt in your entire life. I've been there, some days I'm still there, and I promise to be brave for you, to be brave for myself, to be brave for my family even if my family doesn't look like your family. I know that with God all things are possible and all things are for the good of His Kingdom. He is my Father, my Creator, my Defender and my Healer and I will not stop until I see His beautiful face one day in Heaven ❤️❤️

All my love,

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Breaking the Habit and Receiving Grace

This picture here was taken three days after, what would be for me, the most heartbreaking and disappointing moment as a mother I would feel in this season of parenthood~~

Let me back track for a minute. There have been many times, actions and moments that I am not proud of and hoped could have been different growing up and just figuring out this thing called life. If I was certain of one thing it was going to be that I would do a complete 180 to some of the ways that I was raised as a child toward children of my own. I didn't want to repeat some of the actions I learned. And let me tell you, learned behavior is a hard one to break until God slaps you in the face.

I grew up learning how to "live" in the same home as my parents but there wasn't much engagement in conversation or just being there together, knowing I would always have a solid rock to fall on. It was like people just walking around not really talking, speaking words of praise, and there was never any room for grace or understanding. I learned to seek comfort from myself or from my surroundings, my friends, co-workers, social media, etc.

Well, it was exactly three weeks ago to the day that I received the dreaded teacher/director "let's sit down and talk" text. Immediately that arrow of conviction hit me in the deepest part of my heart and stomach and I knew God wasn't playing around anymore. He is faithful to chastise me every time.

Five months prior to this Meadow was moving up to her big girl class, the notorious new age of new friends, more talking, communicating, insecurities, and you guessed it, more dramas. Meadow walked in to the ripe age of four and coming in to her own little person. Behind that swiftly followed Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and more birthdays, one exhausting yet thrilling milestone after another. While the world was spinning before my face, the devil knew how he would win me out on this. I was losing my head, forgetting to take my Zoloft and losing my patience and cool with my husband and more so our children. I was enthralled on facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, email, texting, a new business/ItWorks adventure, whatever distraction was grasping my attention and therefore leaving little room for grace and compassion for my children. And the worst part; I knew better. God had not only been repeatedly using my husband to convict me of my "bad habit" but He was also consistently convicting me Himself. And I continued to refuse to listen.
But this time He brought me full force to the carpet, to my knees with uncontrollable tears and heartache, embarrassment and sincerity. Even now as I type this I cannot help but cry and be ashamed of the one bad habit I had become. Meadow had become withdrawn, somewhat sad and somewhat mean to her friends. She didn't participate in class and did not sing with the light of Jesus that I know she has in Bible. Bible and singing are her favorite parts of her school day. Meadow had learned my same childhood behavior, that sometimes it's just best not to say anything at all. I was with her every day but I was not REALLY WITH HER. And this is the age where she needs my full attention, no matter what. Period.
I was in a hangover from this moment for the next few days; sad, disappointed, mad, hopeless. I took quick action to shut off everything around me, whatever it was, it could wait, I needed space and time to grieve my baby girls', and my own, heartbreak.

After about a week or so, God reminded me how Great He is and how perfect and strong He is when I am weak. He told me to get up, that He had created a new day, that all things are made new in Him. He said to me, Lisa be a proud mother that you allow Me to move and stir in You, that you can see this change I am asking of you and take action now before you stumble down a blind path. Cling to Me child, I am your Father and no one will pluck you from My hand and no one will cause you harm, My Grace is sufficient. You will have bad days and that is okay, take heart, I have overcome this world and these many troubles that you still will face.
I couldn't have clung to His cross any harder that day than I did three weeks ago.

So, I lay my weakness, my imperfection before you to say this to you, all mommies out there, whatever is giving you anxiety, angst in your day, distraction in your household; PUT IT DOWN. And if you need something to take the edge off, then that is okay and that is just what you need. It doesn't make you a broken mommy, a bad mommy, a messed up woman. Every woman's walk is different and every woman's limits are different. I knew what was the right thing to do but I chose to ignore it and at the cost of my daughter's emotion and the shaping of her heart. If you have people in your life that aren't speaking LIFE in to you; you need to tell them no, if you have social media and other "habits" that are pulling you away from your God and family, you need to tell them no. Tell them no and tell God yes.

God tells us:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matt 11: 28-30

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." ~ Romans 12:2

This was my weakness and I made a change:

God has been gracious that in these past three weeks my genuine quality time with Meadow has completely transformed her spirit. Our quality time has been spent talking, cuddling, loving and just being together. Even if I am not saying or doing anything, just being by her is what she needs. These are the most important years of her life and while God has given me a gift to speak life in and to others outside my home, I should be more apt to speak life in to my loved ones within my home. Meadow is my saving Grace and her unconditional love is much like Jesus, even when I fail her daily, she still loves me, she's still on my team, and we will never give up on each other. And even though her picture above was three days after my downfall, I made sure to start then and she has the most precious, beaming smile. She is my biggest fan. <3

All my love, 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Forgive Mommy for Having a Very Bad Day

For some reason gliding my fingers across a keyboard releases some peace about me.
I found myself sitting at another "rock bottom" moment in my life, feeling like a failure at everything, and, like most women, comparing myself to the ideals of "nothing."

Then the next thing you know I am reading that article about 'How to be a better mom'... 'Don't give yourself such a hard time'... 'Mommy they need you right now'.. and blah blah blah; adding to my already "no good, feeling sorry for myself, bad mom, day." Leave me alone.
Somewhere along the line I started letting what other people had to say have an effect on me and where I was in my season of life; whether with my husband, my children, or myself. I learned how to take what they say with a grain of salt and keep pushing.
I won't lie, it has been an up and down struggle for me for four years to try to be a good woman, a good mother, a serving wife, a provider, and steadfast homemaker. And all while having two toddlers 14 months apart doesn't make my "tasks" any easier or my effort any less deserving. Everyone needs a piece of me; for something, so it feels.

I am pretty sure I almost had divorce papers pulled up on my iPhone last night when my husband walked in. He had already worked a long hard day and evening so of course that is exactly what he wanted to come home to. And I can honestly say what put me over the edge was somewhere between our son deciding it was better to relieve himself on the couch cushion, our son and daughter smashing goldfish in to the carpet, and then they both thought it would be comical to spit on to our pillows. I mean really? I'm over here just trying to cook some bacon and French toast, COME ON!! Don't even go there... Yes, I did get the spoon, and yes, we discipline our children and no they don't act like that all the time. But, this was the wrong evening. I was not the one and this was not the day.
After reality and God's grace sunk in; 12 hours later, I couldn't believe I wanted to leave over a pee stained cushion, goldfish, and spit. Don't get me wrong, at that moment of frustration those were some very good reasons to haul tail out of there, but there's a whole lot of bad that could go on if Paul and I were separated that would be worse than a pee stained cushion.

I was having a very bad day.

So, you'll have to excuse me if I stare at you with a dumbfounded I'd rather slit my wrists look while you tell me and/or comment with "you will miss these years and them wanting you".... Ummmmm, I'm pretty sure someone once told me that about my four years in college, and, well, 10 years later, nope. Not missing college. Excuse me if I flipping lose it, I mean LOSE IT, probably look like I'm going a little postal, but my daughter is acting like a drama queen, my son is throwing matchbox cars within inches of my forehead, my husband is picking up sweet tea instead of unsweet tea, washing clothes, making beds, wiping boogers off of everything, cleaning up spills, emptying a dishwasher, removing child from said dishwasher, repeating myself 2, 349 times about everything, can I take a poop and not have my son ask to see it? Forgive me if my jaw drops, I may even start to drool a little, because you are complaining that you are so tired and you have one child who can practically dress and feed him or herself. Forgive me if I can't get on my knees and pray at 9:30 in the morning while practicing an oomblamgata Yoga pose because I am praying while stuffing my face with old crackers from my desk making sure some old man who forgot his badge isn't walking around somewhere he isn't supposed to be.
You see, I yearn for certain things too, and prayerfully, in time, they will come. Of course God wants us to draw near to Him all the time. He even tells us in His word that it is better for a man to remain single because then we can give our ALL to God; our everything, our every thought.

So, here I am, in all of my glorious and raw, horrible imperfections and mishaps of a mother, still clinging to Jesus' cloak and asking Him to guide me through this season of my life because I cannot do this alone.
Will I miss our children being little, playing, their innocence and unconditional, forgiving love for me always? Yes, quite more than yes. But I am prayerfully looking forward to the years where I can have a meaningful conversation with Meadow, where we can all play and discover life as a family, and I can carry on a 10 minute conversation with my husband and get to know him, truly continuing to get to know him.

And with this I ask forgiveness of my husband and my children; forgive mommy for having a very bad day <3

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Joy, Responsibility, and the Bait of Satan

Now, before I get in to this long post, I must for warn you, it's going to be a doozy, because I have three points I want to make in this post about finding your Joy... So, grab your coffee, or whatever it is that keeps your eyeballs open in the morning.

It's been about six months of estranged, disappointing, disheartening, and not enough contentment in my life. Things that I was and still am praying for are just not coming to fruition and now I am in a state of frustration with myself and God; a spiritual dry spell and a blue mood.

Welcome to the devil's playground; the bait of Satan.

Satan hooked me on these three things:

A workplace
A non-existent relationship between a father and a daughter
A desire to change my husband to "catch up" to where I am in my own walk with God.
{just typing those three things, I just gave myself a headache-- that is an emotional/spiritual mess!}

All three of those leading me to the disaster area that is caving around me and causing me unrest and unruly behavior.

I remembered a saying that a dear friend of mine shared with me about finding Joy and learning to have a content heart with Jesus, before Jesus will give me anything else; knowing that He is the giver, supplier, filler, lover of everything good in my life. How could I forget this? I knew all this, but many good things said are easily forgotten when our hearts are drowning in sea of discontent.

Let me elaborate on my three topics from above and where the devil has almost won in taking me out on these three things.

A workplace-- Not every workplace is great and there are days where I would like to pack my office, flip everyone the bird, and take my family to Africa and run wild with the zebras... Reality check. Work is work, it will be here long after I have left this world, and it is a part of supporting my family, it is what I do and I like what I do. But, it can also be emotionally, mentally, and spiritually draining. Even the relationships you develop at work. I have since had to space myself from certain relationships that are not pushing me toward Christ, but pulling me toward hell. Turmoil, grief, and chaos in the workplace was slowly starting to steal my Joy, not only from myself, but from my husband and my children. Bait of Satan #1

A non-existent relationship between a father and a daughter. Wow! This one is a little much; but I need to be brutally honest and raw. I was and still am trying to force a relationship, a love that every little girl desires from a man who didn't make much of an effort to reciprocate for the past 31 years of my life. Why should I be surprised that I am not getting the response and love that I feel like I deserve? Well, because that is just how a little girl feels, and while it is okay to have that feeling, the devil is using it to his benefit.
I have a father who has just not made much of an effort to get to know me for the past 31 years of my life: this is truth. I love my dad very much and I will honor him as God has asked me to do and I thank God that I came in to this life of mine. I also have a stepdad who didn't hug and show much physical affection or verbal affection while I was growing up, but he did the best that he could and he is a great dad and provider for our family and to my mom. I honor and love him very much as well.
BUT Satan knows that is a part of my weak flesh, he knows how to push the "daddy doesn't love you" button and throw me off focus- to get focused on that hurt and let my own loving husband and children fall through the cracks of my misery. Bait of Satan #2

A desire to change my husband to "catch up" to where I am in my own walk with God. Well, ladies just stop it. Not gonna happen and you need to just let this go. {Excuse me while I burst in to song from Frozen...} My husband is supposed to be my JOY, not my responsibility. His walk with God will come in time through MY PRAYER for my husband. Wait.. What was that? Yep, there ya go... It might help if us ladies prayed more for our husbands so that they will grow in their own walk with God. Prayer is a powerful thing you know ;O)
It's okay that I may be spiritually stronger, in a different place in my walk with God. That's okay. And it's okay that my husband is three steps behind or three steps ahead of me. Release the urge to change him and let go of the responsibility to be the "leader" and just learn to ENJOY him and PRAY for him. The devil will surely try to win you over on this one; I mean you're getting pissed off at your husband while trying to talk about scripture, right? LOL!! Bait of Satan #3

Do what you can; all things in time.

Now, find the Joy: while the next couple of weeks are going to be challenging for me because the devil tells me every day that it's easier to quit and not to pray about anything, God's word says different, always:

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  " Philippians 4:6 

"Pray continually" 1 Thessalonians 5:17
"    Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God's place in your hearts. " 1 John 5

I challenge you, for the next three weeks, to stay away from anything that might take the place of God in your hearts, to find your true Joy in the things and people that are right in front of you, and to relish in the light of the Mighty King- you belong to Him <3

But Jesus told him, "Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God." Luke 9:62

All my love,

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Learning to Submit

I don't really have a long and exacerbated post for this time, but a thought that has been on my mind for a while; a word -- submission.

I am trying to figure out this thing called submission, especially to God's will and plan for my life and, of course, to my husband. I am a strong willed, independent, stubborn bia at times; okay I take that back; at all times and I struggle daily with this.

God really has my heart strings pulling at some areas in my life that I need to get together. I mean seriously; almost to the point that I want to punch my own self in the face sometimes.

God tells me to wait and be still; to wait on Him; my season is coming --

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything
 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

So I wait; I am still. I continue to pray and ask God to show me how to do all this- I know He wants to use my strengths, but I dwell too much on my weaknesses. I know that all He needs is a willing heart. I am willing Lord; I am willing.


Friday, October 18, 2013

A Government Shutdown and a Jesus Opportunity

I don't know what all has taken place during this government shutdown, but I do know that there has been some SERIOUS women shut down and some serious Jesus movement going on in my workplace.

It feels good to talk about Him, to just be with those who are missing Him; who know Him, but who are missing that feeling of His arms around them.

I had the opportunity to sit down with a co-worker of mine a couple months ago and share my love, my struggle, my undeserving need for Jesus and my every day stumbling walk to get closer to Him. She has come from a place, a past hurt, that, to this day, has her chained to the very place she would like to escape; her past. She has placed a lot of blame on God and how things have worked out in her life thus far. I've become a good friend to her, but I know that she is not ready to let go, she is not in a place where she wants to give up control and allow God to move in her life in His most omniescent way.

Wednesday, I witnessed another co-worker of mine just break down in her office, crying, sobbing, putting herself down. I came to her as a listening ear, as a sounding board, a comfort place for a good laugh. Lord knows I don't have it all together and I can usually always make her laugh with a funny "at home" story about the kids or my inability to look like I'm 21 anymore and how I barely have time to brush my teeth.
She just broke down saying "I'm horrible, I'm a terrible person, no matter what I do I can't ever seem to get anything right, I'm just awful and have always thought that way about myself."
Immediately my heart broke for her; I didn't know what to say, what to do, Lord give me the words, I'm like a deer in headlights. All I could do was throw myself on my knees at her chair, put  my hand on her arm and tell her that that is NOT true. Those thoughts are from hell and the devil himself, she is deeply LOVED, cherrished, glorified by the most high King; the ultimate healer and redeemer, the One who has made her in His image, for His purpose, for His time.
This wasn't the first time I have seen her put herself down, and for a moment, I felt as if I had ten plus years of spiritual knowledge on a woman who is old enought to be my mother.

Today I had the opportunity to share my love, my struggle, and my stumbling walk again. I didn't offer, but the opportunity presented itself; because I am lowly, I am no better than the woman sitting next to me, I am no less important than the woman down the hall who beats herself up everyday. I am just real, raw, and okay with that. She opened herself up to me and where her past has been with her walk with God, her frustration with Him, her "fed-up" moments with Him. We shared similar stories from our past of hurt, disappointment, longing, helplessness, the constant questioning of why do I have to endure this and go through this? Why didn't this relationship work out this way, why did he do that to me, and why did I have to lose everything for that person?
She told me the one thing she admired about me, I thought for a second I was going to cry, was that I always made her feel accepted, I always made her feel good, welcome, like she wasn't any different or any less deserving than anyone else. That made my heart sing!!
If that could be the one thing I left this earth with tomorrow, would be that I could just "keep it real" with people, anyone. That they truly know the love of Jesus is not about worldly status or the "norm."

Women today have just beat themselves to death over their pasts, over their mistakes, over why they aren't like the woman next door or the woman down the hall. It makes me want to punch out a wall!! It makes me want to punch my own self because I am guilty of it too.
Ladies you are BEAUTIFUL, IN ALL WAYS, and created only by GOD in His image after His heart and loving will. STOP. I MEAN STOP. RIGHT NOW. Apologizing for every little thing, suffocating yourselves under a blanket of guilt and a past where YOU DO NOT LIVE ANYMORE. The past is dead. Do you hear me? It is dead. Lord knows I have to constantly punch the devil in the face because something that I just got done burrying, he is no more than five seconds later trying to resurrect that mess from the dead just to make me feel bad about myself.
Lose yourself in Jesus. Your self worth, self-acceptance IS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN defined and named by HIM. You have nothing to prove to anyone. He has declared your name and your value far precious than anything this world has to offer.
Name it. Claim it. Know that every day might still be a struggle, but stumble on to Him, fall, and let Him show you how to get up and fight.

All my love in Him,